Australian cricketer Moises Henrique has opened up his battle with depression which at once pushed him to take his own life during a match. In the Ordineroli Speaking Podcast hosted by sports journalist Neroli Meadows, Henrique revealed how he was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2017 and took time away from the game.
Henrique stated that there were moments in his life when he was struggling badly to find even a one or a two-hour sleep.
“If you looked up the depression symptoms on Google, I was ticking off every single one of them, and quite severely,” Henrique told the Podcast.
“There were probably two to three months where I was in a really bad place, trying to function on one or two hours sleep.”
The Portugal-born cricketer expressed the depression that impacted him severely, and he lost 10 kilos of his weight in just four weeks.
“I lost about ten kilos in maybe four weeks. I went from 98 kilos to 88 kilos in the space of four weeks. You don’t wish it on your worst enemy. I was an absolute mess.”
The all-rounder also disclosed how a first-class game which went the wrong way led him to contemplate suicide. He said: “I won the toss at Bankstown Oval in a Shield game against Tasmania, and we elected to bowl on what I thought was going to be a green seamer.”
“At the end of the day, they were 2/290. Come day two, they get 450, declare, and we’re 5/90 going into the end of day two. I got out for like 20-odd.”
Henrique stated that while he was returning home, all he could think about the negative thoughts like what if his car meets an accident and what would happen then.
“I remember driving down the M5 back home, doing 110 km/h, and I remember thinking to myself in the car, ‘If I just ran straight into this pole here, what would happen? What would be the consequence of what would happen?’
Then, Henrique added that in the end, he had to pull over his car because he didn’t want to get lost in his thoughts.
“I can’t do that. It’s not fair on my brothers, it’s not fair on [my partner], and it’s not fair on all these people who are there for me. I can’t leave my team with ten men for the next two days.”
“I ended up having to pull over because I was crying so heavily, and I was shaking. I had to pull over, just took five minutes.”
“That wasn’t even at my worst, that was just a fleeting moment … Even at that stage, I didn’t think I had a terrible problem.”
Henrique also gave credit to his wife for supporting him in the most challenging times. He further added that things could’ve been worse had his wife was not there supporting him.
“I just remember feeling like I was creating this huge burden for her, but she never once made me feel like that.”
“When I look back now what sort of felt like that unconditional care, unconditional love and respect that she had if you don’t have that around you to remind you of the clarity and the reason, I just can’t imagine what I would have spiralled into,” Henrique concluded.